Stay Safe

 

Stay safe.

Those words follow me around these days, niggling in my mind. They appeared at the start of the pandemic, when we realised those three weeks of lockdown would last so much longer than we thought. As roads emptied and city centres closed, trapped inside with eyes glued to the screen watching the death toll rise and rise and rise. Stay safe. It's become a mantra, a background thought, a reflex that ends every conversation I have now. 

Stay safe, I signed off in every email to my lecturers as I floundered and battled to finish my degree last spring.

Stay safe, I told my grandma over skype, not knowing five days later she would be dead.

Stay safe, I told my best friend, as we lingered over the porch of her student house, on the precipice of being separated for who knew how long. (it's been 8 months now, since I saw her last).

Stay safe, I think to the young mother walking with her baby in the park, marveling how she managed to bring something so innocent and beautiful into a world that is so bad right now.

Stay safe, I type out to my friends, clawing at hope because typing them out does not guarantee it. 

Stay safe, I tell my mum, before she goes to work, endangering herself in the process of doing her job. (She told me she gets her vaccine this weekend and god the relief I felt was overwhelming).

Stay safe, I tell my family, knowing that the last time I got in my car to return to university for spring semester I didn't see them for six months. A lot can change in six months. 

Stay safe, I tell my mentor and her kids, two metres away and praying that by speaking them into existence, I make it true.

Stay safe. Have hope. Hang on. 

 One day in the future I will hug my best friend again. I will have lunch with my best friend and my mentor and breathe a sigh of relief that we made it out the other side. I will drive to Bristol and hug my old housemates and tell them in person how proud I am of the amazing people they've grown to be. I will spend time in London with my cousins and meet my newest cousin once removed. I will see all the family I have missed and be emotional and overwhelmingly happy to see them in person again. I will wander a bit more, write a whole bunch of words the world may never see and figure out where I'm heading next. 

So, whoever reads these words, stay safe, eat chocolate and keep on surviving. We'll reach that future eventually.    

 

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